Nation's Bernie Supporters Frantically Cobble Together Makeshift Rafts To Paddle To Utopian Cuba
Politics · Feb 24, 2020 ·

U.S. - After Bernie Sanders praised elements of Cuba's totalitarian regime, the presidential candidate's loyal supporters scrambled to cobble together makeshift rafts so they could paddle over to Cuba to experience the Communist island's renowned literacy programs, medical care, and other social services.

Desperate refugees clung to anything that would float as they attempted to sail across the Gulf and get to the idyllic paradise of Cuba.

"We just have to get over there," said one "Bernie Bro" as he fashioned a raft out of discarded plastic straws. "I for one want to experience Cuba's literacy program so I can finally read a book. And I've heard that their healthcare is the best in the world, as long as you're among the elite. Which, I'm sure I'll be accepted as the elite and not one of the peasants, since I'm from a wealthy, capitalist nation like America."

The Bernie Bro feared he had made a mistake as his iPhone dropped out of cell range a few hundred feet from shore, but it was too late to turn back.

Sadly, once the Bernie supporters had gone through Cuba's literacy program, they were able to read a history book and learn how bad socialism is, so they were forced to cobble together rafts to come back to America.

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.