SMYRNA, DE — Biden is once again embroiled in scandal after yet another box of his classified documents was found on the clearance shelf of a local Walmart.
The top secret documents were seen next to a $1 clearance bin filled with DVDs of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's documentary on the Green New Deal.
"The investigation into President Biden's misplacement of classified documents has reached a tipping point in which our agency is unable to cover for him by blaming Trump," said FBI spokesman Herf Derfler while agents hauled off boxes of classified documents from the location.
"We're poring over security footage," continued Derfler, "While we cannot divulge much, we are seeing video evidence that Hunter Biden frequented this location to make random purchases of pseudoephedrine, ether, paint thinner, ammonia, drain cleaner, and batteries. Totally random buys."
At publishing time, President Biden had made a visit to the local Walmart to assure citizens that the investigation of classified documents was over, then donned a Walmart vest and began greeting customers entering the store.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
