U.S.—Baptists across the nation announced they were delighted as everyone is finally practicing the proper, God-ordained distance of six feet for dancing.
Christians of the Baptist persuasion were overjoyed to see videos of social distance dancing and social distance block parties where people kept at least six feet away from each other the entire time.
"While we would prefer people don't dance at all, we're just glad they're finally leaving room for Jesus," said Pastor Gabe Manson of Arkansas. "Whether you're dabbing, flossing, or doing any other form of Satanic gyrating, remember to stay six feet away. Not because of the coronavirus or anything, but to make sure you don't infect the other people with your sin."
Over 100,000 Baptists have even signed a petition to make the six-foot guidelines permanent. "We need to return this nation to the Christian land it once was," said Pastor Chuck Spalding of Alabama. "I see no better way to do that than to pass laws requiring everyone to stay six feet apart while socializing, dancing, or even making love."