WASHINGTON D.C.—President Joe Biden’s dog Major is in more trouble, as he has once again bitten a member of the White House staff. Major’s misbehavior didn’t end there, though, as he was also soon after caught by the FBI while handing over nuclear codes to the Chinese in exchange for a Milk-Bone dog treat.
“He apparently got spooked by a staffer and bit him,” said a White House aide who asked to be anonymous so Major wouldn’t bite him, too. “You just have to be really careful around him. And you have to not leave nuclear codes lying around, because he will just grab those and head straight to the Chinese.”
Major was grilled by the FBI on what arrangement he had with the Chinese, and when that got really intense, he bit one of the FBI agents as well. Eventually, the FBI decided on a punishment, which was to stare down Major and tell him he’s a “bad dog.” This caused Major to whimper, and everyone soon wondered if the punishment was too harsh.
While most consider Major's misbehavior simply the result of taking a dog and placing him in a stimulating and unfamiliar environment (a condition that often causes dogs to both lash out and commit treason), there are more worries now that Biden plans to introduce a cat to the White House, as cats are widely acknowledged to be nothing more than furry demons of pure evil who desire nothing more than the pain and suffering of all those around them (along with occasional pets).