U.S. — After years of being totally obscured by Lizzo's shadow, her backup dancers have finally had enough.
"I'm out there dancing and it's literally pitch black," said dancer Mariah Minor. "It's like a total solar eclipse back there."
The backup dancers' existence was suddenly revealed to the world by a lawsuit alleging horrific abuse by the singer. "Look, I get it. Lizzo is the star and everyone is in her orbit," said dancer Kimberly Justice. "That gives her no right to swallow up people's careers like this. We've got to tilt the scales back to the little people who get lost in the background."
According to sources, most fans were completely unaware Lizzo even had backup dancers. "Really? They've been back there this whole time?" asked Lizzo fan Savannah Richardson. "Huh. I had no idea. I always thought it was just her up there. Lizzo just has that ability to pull everything towards her, I suppose."
At publishing time, Lizzo's publicist called on critics to back off, stating that, Lizzo had "a lot on her plate right now."
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.