GREENWOOD, MO — Martial arts enthusiasts celebrated a historic achievement this week, as a local baby attained a 3rd-degree black belt in rolling out of diaper changes.
Jack Thellman, a 12-month-old child, reached a new level of mastery in his chosen discipline on Monday morning, having successfully demonstrated his tremendous skills by grappling with his mother from the grounded position while she changed his poopy diaper.
"A truly impressive display of skill and dedication," said one martial arts expert. "The way he deftly maneuvered from his back onto his side in the middle of the diaper change, making things exponentially more difficult for his mother, and getting some poo smeared on his thigh… he more than earned recognition for his advancement."
Jack's parents, Kevin and Dani, confirmed that he works at his craft every day, rarely missing an opportunity to practice complex moves to roll out of an attempted diaper change. "He puts in a lot of time and focus," Dani said. "You can see how much all of his effort is paying off. I was trying to hold his ankles with one hand and get the dirty diaper out of the way, but before I knew it, he executed a textbook reverse roll and got out of it. Poop got everywhere before I could do anything to stop him, but still… impressive."
At publishing time, Jack was reportedly nearing his next significant achievement by reaching a new level of mastery in the art of keeping his parents from getting a good night's sleep.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
