RENO, NV — Local college student Ethan Connor experienced a major dating setback Tuesday after the girl he had been secretly pining over for eight months referred to him as her "brother in Christ."
Witnesses report Connor, 24, was enjoying a pleasant conversation with church small-group member Hannah Davis when the catastrophic phrase was uttered.
"We were just talking about everyone from church going bowling. Then, it happened," Connor said. "She patted my shoulder, smiled, and said, 'I'm just so grateful to have a strong brother in Christ in my life.' I felt my soul instantly detach from my body."
The brutal, spirit-crushing comment destroyed all of Connor's hopes and dreams in one fell swoop. The past eight months of futility flashed before his eyes as he cringed to remember how many folding chairs he'd carried in hopes of impressing her. Sources confirm the theological phrase firmly places him in the "friend zone" and is the wording of choice when letting a Christian guy down easy. While technically a term of endearment, young men can confirm that being labeled a "brother in Christ" by a crush carries a 0% chance of future romantic recovery.
At publishing time, Connor had updated all of his prayer requests.
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