Home > Politics > Imperial AT-ATs Begin Arriving In Capital For Military Parade
Politics U.S.
Imperial AT-ATs Begin Arriving In Capital For Military Parade

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Ahead of Trump's planned July 4 military parade, several dozen Imperial walkers began to arrive in Washington throughout the week.

The AT-ATs were dropped off by U.S. Space Force Star Destroyers just outside the city and then slowly marched toward the capital (rather than being dropped right next to their target, for some reason). Military bands solemnly played the Imperial March in honor of their arrival. Trump was seen at the White House, pointing excitedly at the looming all-terrain armored transports through an Oval Office window.

"Wow, look at those guys!" he said while gleefully clapping his hands. "Do you think President Xi has any of those? I bet he doesn't. Ha! Guy is probably sooooo jealous right now. And North Korea only has those little chicken walkers! This is definitely the best military parade on the planet!"

He quickly added that he "loves democracy" however.

Some light Antifa resistance attempted to milkshake the walkers but were crushed.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.