ATLANTA, GA — With both of his arms and legs cut clean off by the end of the debate, President Biden has continued to insist that the defeat was "merely a flesh wound."
"Come back here and take what's coming to you, Donald! I'll bite your legs off!" shouted Biden. "Joe Biden always triumphs!"
According to sources, Trump had encouraged the overmatched Biden to simply step aside, but Biden refused to do so despite losing one limb after the other. "Joe, you've got no arms left, believe me. Very sad, No-Arms Joe," said Trump. "Not going to shoot too well on the golf course without arms, I'll tell you that. Just admit it, Joe."
"It's a scratch! Look at these arms," cried Biden, waving his stumps around. "I can shoot twenty under par like this! Come back here and fight, you chicken! Chickennn!"
"I'll have your legs, Joe. I don't want to, frankly that sounds terrible," replied Trump. "No legs, can't even walk, not like the people walking across our border, Joe."
"Have at you!" shouted Biden. "I'm invincible!!!!"
At publishing time, Democratic strategists had gently asked the now three-foot-tall Biden if he might make way for a candidate with limbs, but Biden insisted he was barely hurt.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
