Are you a youth pastor? Oh no! You've only got, like, a week to prepare for your next sermon!
But who has the time to study the Word of God, exegete the text, figure out what it means, and then apply it to your students' lives? Nobody, that's who! That's why we at The Babylon Bee have played thousands of hours of video games to draw out the very best illustrations for your next sermon:
1. Sin is like a Minecraft creeper that sneaks up on your house and blows it up in the middle of the night, unless it's made of obsidian, which is like the Bible? Or something like that.
2. Cortana is like the influence of the Holy Spirit, whispering into your ear what you should do. Listen to Cortana.
3. We must fit Bible-reading time into our day just like we have to slide the long Tetris block into a gap to make a Tetris. Wow. Such powerful. Much spiritual. Wow.
4. In Doom you kill demons. Less a metaphor and more of just a straight-up visualization of the Christian life.
5. Half-Life's headcrabs are like loose women who attempt to leap on you, kiss your face, and steal your purity. The solution? Hit them with a crowbar.
6. We must keep killing our sin just like how you have to double-tap the zombies in Left 4 Dead 2. Kill the old man. Romans 8, kids. Bam. Mic drop.
7. Pac-Man is a powerful metaphor for the dangers of drug addiction. That poor, lost soul, trapped in the maze of addiction as he munches pills and gets chased by ghosts he's hallucinating. Just say no, kids.
8. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater reminds us of our need to 540 aerial McTwist (preach) the combo (gospel) to the halfpipes (lost souls) in our skatepark (community). Not a stretch at all. It's obvious the designers were believers.
9. Guitar Hero reminds us that heavy metal is Satanic. A terrifying reminder.
Now your sermon prep is all done. You're welcome! You can spend the rest of your time playing Halo Infinite.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
