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Archaeologists Unearth Giant Chocolate Bunny In Ruins Of Ancient Babylon

IRAQ—Archaelogists working to unearth the ruins of ancient Babylon confirmed a fascinating discovery Tuesday morning: a giant chocolate bunny.

The large chocolate treat is thought to have been worshiped by Babylonians, who may have tried to force Jewish captives into bowing down to the idol using catchy songs and threatening to throw them in the furnace of the great Babylonian Chocolate Factory.

Historians also confirmed the discovery of an inscription of an ancient religious song entitled "The Bunny Song," which subjects were compelled to sing before falling prostrate before the statue.

"We already knew that King Nebuchadnezzar and other Ancient Near East rulers often encouraged their subjects to worship them," said Dr. Linda Mann at the dig site. "But with this new discovery, it's clear that giant chocolate bunnies were also often the object of worship for Babylonians and their unfortunate captives."

The discovery also gave scholars more insight into King Nebuchadnezzar's mind.

"It appears that Nebuchadnezzar, or 'Mr. Nezzer,' as he liked to be called, didn't love his mom or his dad, just the bunny. In fact, he may not have gone to church or school—thinking that stuff is for 'sissies'—bur rather focused all his attention on acquiring, devouring, and worshiping the bunny." Scholars also claimed Nezzer didn't want pickles, honey, or tissues when his nose was runny, but "just wanted a plate and a fork and a bunny."

On the same day, archaeologists working nearby also discovered several discarded pizza boxes in the lion den into which the prophet Daniel was thrown.