WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a congressional hearing last week, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez began a long, brave rant against confusing idioms.
"This idea that you can wrap your head around something -- it's just not true. You can't wrap your head around something. You would get hurt."
Bewildered congresspeople looked at each other in awkward silence as Ocasio-Cortez continued.
"Believe me, I've tried," she added. "The best you can do is just bash your head into something. It's a physical impossibility."
The congresswoman ranted against several other idioms as well:
- Killing two birds with one stone: "This seems very unlikely unless you had, like, an illegal, semi-automatic rock thrower."
- It's a piece of cake: "A cake is actually pretty hard to make. And don't get me started on the garbage disposal."
- It's easy as pie: "I mean, like, seriously, that garbage disposal is pretty scary. Is there a law about these things? There oughta be a law."
- Last one there is a rotten egg: "I've been the last one in from recess plenty of times, and I've never once turned into a rotten egg. The other kids told me I did once, but I bit myself and did not taste like a rotten egg, just a little salty."
- You can't judge a book by its cover: "That's like, literally what the cover is for. I've read thousands of book covers."
- You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink: "You can! You totally can! But it's animal cruelty and so problematic."
- Shooting for the moon: "Both illegal and impossible."
- Wearing your heart on your sleeve: "This seems likely to cause severe injury or death, and then you'd need to go to Canada for healthcare."
Sadly, everyone had left the room when she finished and the automatic lights turned off, forcing Ocasio-Cortez to wave her hands to get them to turn back on.