WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a tense Congressional Hearing, deductive polymath Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez put a widespread conspiracy theory to rest when she vocally insisted that there were no hysterectomies being performed on minors because most of them are too busy working in the mines anyway.
The truth-filled gavel drop utterly destroyed the claim by conservatives that the Boston Children's Hospital was performing the irreparable surgeries on minors.
"How can minors find the time to travel via minecart to far-away Boston when they're busy mining for coal, iron, and lapis lazuli," explained Ocasio-Cortez to an awestruck chamber. "And it's not just minors who aren't getting hysterectomies; neither are lumberjacks, farmers, nor blacksmiths."
The phenom of reason and intellect then adjusted her smart-looking glasses and conceded that yes, some villagers did receive hysterectomies, but only if they had enough emeralds, which were hard to come by because they were "even more rarer than diamonds."
At publishing time, Rep. Ocasio-Cortez had stunned all by pointing out hysterectomies weren't even real because no one had hysters in their bodies in the first place.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
