PORTLAND, OR—Local Antifa rioter Preston Asher, right in the middle of burning down a black-owned business, began to wonder why the racist Proud Boys had so many black members and they didn’t.
“I mean we are the ones that are anti-facism and anti-racist, but not a single one of us even knows a black guy,” said the Antifa member. “What could we be doing wrong?”
“I mean just look at all of these destroyed cop cars, graffitied walls, and buildings we burnt down for justice. How do they not see that we are the good guys?”
It was at that moment Asher knew he had to go to the Proud Boys and learn their secrets. So he took off his face mask and walked over to their tent to get answers.
“Yeah, don’t get us wrong we are a lot of things like violent, dangerously nationalistic, and obnoxious, but it’s probably how we just don’t judge people by skin color,” said Proud Boy member Lars Macon. “Also, have you tried letting other people speak instead of speaking for them?”
“But how else will they know what to be offended by and how to stop it unless I tell them?” Asher replied. “This doesn’t make sense. I knew I should have never tried talking to you Neo-Nazis!”
He then stormed off and went back and told the other Antifa members that the Proud Boys were obviously keeping those African American members there against their will. So, they all responded by returning to burning down more local small businesses.