PADUCAH, KY—With Democrats proposing the mass cancellation of student debt, successful Americans around the country are really looking forward to paying taxes to relieve the debt of people who purchased expensive yet useless college degrees. One local plumbing contractor, Sam Caughorn, is really looking forward to paying the tab on his neighbor's $89,000 gender studies degree.
"Listen, I'm just a plumber," he said. "I didn't go to college, but I work hard and support my family. I don't know about all that high-falutin gender stuff they teach in college, but I'm sure it must be important since it's so expensive! Happy to help out another person in need."
According to studies, there are millions of white girls working at coffee shops across the country while struggling under the crushing student debt they acquired by irresponsibly obtaining college degrees that gave them no marketable job skills. Benevolent politicians have proposed transferring all the wealth from trade workers and minority business owners to help indebted white girls with their student loans so they can still afford their daily latte and cat food expenses.
Local gender studies major Amber White is looking forward to having all her debt forgiven, thanks in part to the contributions of plumbers like Sam Caughorn. "I'm so thankful for the generosity of our Democrat leaders!" she said. "They really look out for the little folx. Also, down with capitalism and white men!"
According to sources, Sam Caughorn owns a successful business he started right after high school. He also has 5 kids, a nice house, and serves as a deacon at his church. "I guess I can spare some change for poor disadvantaged girls like Amber," he said.