WASHINGTON, D.C. — A major new source of fraud was uncovered in the nation's capital on Tuesday, where investigative journalist Nick Shirley revealed large sums of money were being funneled into a defunct assisted living center masquerading as an upscale old folks' home.
Shirley's reporting exposed a local retirement home for laundering trillions of dollars for over half a century and wasting it on thousands of different fraudulent practices not related to treating the elderly.
"This is the biggest fraud bust we've ever seen," Shirley said. "The people in this building are enfeebled, have significant memory problems, and, in some cases, are completely comatose. None of the money goes where people think it's going."
In a video published to YouTube, Shirley attempted to interview a man named Mitchell McConnell, who needed assistance to eat his food and go to the bathroom. "And you say no one is helping you? Where does all the money go?" Shirley prodded. But McConnell became catatonic and was unable to answer any questions.
According to anonymous sources, funding that should be earmarked for the elderly was instead going to special interest groups involved in military operations and luxury travel for staff. "People are lining their pockets every day," said Shirley. "It's fraud on an unprecedented scale, all happening in this one building."
At publishing time, additional fraud was also uncovered at a large facility in New York City operating under the name "United Nations."
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
