AMSTERDAM — The Anne Frank House, a historic landmark with attached museum, announced today that it was currently closed to tourists following a slew of anti-semitic attacks in the area, leading to a sudden influx of approximately 1,000 Jews hiding in the building's attic.
"Sorry, folks, the museum is closed," Museum Curator Ezekiel Steinberg said. "We are, uh, beyond capacity. But don't worry, as soon as it's safe for Jews to come out of hiding again, we'll open back up."
Anne Frank and her family famously hid in the attic of Prinsengracht 263 for just over two years until being discovered by the Nazis. Now, Israelis who came to town for the Europa League football match between Maccabi Tel Aviv and Ajax are hoping to break that record as they hide from angry Muslims.
"They'll never find us here because it's called 'the secret annex,'" said Rabbi Jonah Abramstein, referring to the name used for the attic by the Frank family. "It's secret. It's in the name. No one would think to look for Jews here."
Amsterdam city officials say they are grateful the Anne Frank House can be used to hide a new generation of Jews. "This sacred place shall always serve as a symbol of refuge for Jewish people," said Mayor Femke Amsterdam. "Whenever Jews are in danger — like they are today — this house will remind us all of how terrible things once were and still are to this day."
At publishing time, the Jews had been found because the attic of the Anne Frank House was the first place people looked when searching for Jews hiding in Amsterdam.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
