MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Representatives of the Somali community issued a statement demanding that Americans stop judging them by the content of their character.
The statement further asserts that their skin color and national origin should entitle them to infinite respect.
"Yes, that's right, infinity respect," said Fowsiya Xaliimo Axmed Nuurdeen Cabdiraxmaan Samatar after reading the statement at a press conference in front of the Quality Learing Center. "You must respect us and give us all your money! And if you don't, we kill you!"
The Democrat crowd in attendance then cheered with approval.
Somali experts reiterated that although Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s call to judge people by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin is generally seen as a good thing by most Americans, it should not apply to Somalis.
"We are immune to criticism," said Cabdiraxmaan Samatar. "This Luther King guy was an idiot. He wasn't even Somali."
At publishing time, Somalis in Minnesota had moved to California, where they will be safe from fraud investigations.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
