U.S. — In the wake of Tuesday's presidential election, liberal women across the country vowed this week to seek revenge on Donald Trump and his supporters by committing themselves to sexual abstinence, attending church, getting married, and starting families.
A new social trend known as the "4B" movement directed women to abstain from having sex with men to protest the election. Liberal women quickly took to the movement after learning Trump had won the election and pledged to stick it to conservatives by choosing to live the type of lifestyle conservatives encourage women to pursue.
"Yeah! Take that MAGATS!" liberal woman Sarah Ostler said. "We're gonna make you guys pay, bigtime. I hereby refuse to sleep with any men before I get married and I'm going to start going to church and maybe even praying just to really show you. Then my loving husband and I will start having children and raise them in a wholesome, God-fearing way, what do you think of that?"
Conservative men reportedly responded by enjoying a cold beer after getting home from a busy day at work, telling their wives they love them, and playing tag with their children in the back yard.
At publishing time, liberal women also threatened to not abort their babies, to homeschool their kids, to only drink raw milk, and start making sourdough bread just to really give conservative voters what for.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
