ATLANTA, GA — Senior Pastor Andy Stanley was sidetracked while delivering a sermon Sunday morning at North Point Community Church when the Bible began disagreeing with one of his points. The pastor and author pulled up a stool and set the Bible up so they could hash matters out publicly for the benefit of church membership.
According to sources, Stanley initiated the debate after coming across a passage from the fourth chapter of Hebrews.
"You say you're sharper than any two-edged sword, but you look like a bundle of paper to me," Stanley argued. "There's no way you could cut into human flesh to dissect the heart and judge anyone's intent! After all, you were written by a bunch of desert people who didn't even go to college!"
The Bible said nothing in response. The awkward silence caused Pastor Stanley to fill the void with more incoherent speech.
"I think we ought to cut ties with you because you're a big stumbling block for a lot of people. When I tell them the Bible says such-and-such they get very offended," Stanley said. "Which means we're all free to decide what's right for ourselves, right?"
The word of God sat motionless on its stool. Conviction sat in the air, heavy like molasses.
Andy Stanley considered the debate an absolute win when the inanimate book did not spontaneously come to life and start speaking with a human mouth.
Church membership is reportedly divided on who won the debate.
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