ALPHARETTA, GA — In response to heavy criticism of his progressive theological views, North Point Community Church Pastor Andy Stanley has issued a public challenge to face the Bible in an MMA fight.

"It's time to settle this dispute once and for all," Stanley said in a professionally produced video announcement on social media. "I've been hearing for years that what I preach puts me at odds with these supposed 'scriptures', so I just want to make it official and fight it out! So come on, Bible, what do you say? It's you and me, climbing into the octagon on pay-per-view! If it's good enough for Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, it's good enough for us! LET'S GOOOO!"

Critics have argued Stanley frequently twists Scripture and misinterprets what God says about hot-button cultural topics. "I suspect he may actually read the Bible upside down," said Christian apologist Josiah Smith. "That's really the only plausible explanation for him apparently having absolutely no idea what the Bible actually says."

Stanley brushed off the criticism. "The time for WORDS is OVER!" he growled incredulously. "We're gonna settle this the old-fashioned way--with our FISTS!"

At publishing time, the fight had been scheduled for October 7th at the MGM Grand Las Vegas hotel. When reached for comment, the Bible chose to stand on what it already says.

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