Is Bidenomics getting you down? With so many people struggling in the current economic environment, it's helpful to know what you can afford.
The Babylon Bee is here with some handy tips for meals any family can buy, even on a Bidenomics budget!
- A single bean: Remember, everyone has to share, so slice it up.
- Ramen with extra water: The water really brings out the flavor and helps it last longer.
- A nice juicy steak: From the dumpster behind Longhorn Steakhouse.
- Your neighbor's cat: If it's good enough for Venezuelans, it's good enough for you.
- Lightly used sushi purchased on Facebook Marketplace: It's just as good now as it was when it was made a week ago!
- Your own words: Eating your own words doesn't just keep you out of trouble, it's highly nutritious. Yum!
- Costco samples: Keep a sufficient supply of fake mustaches, hats, and glasses so you can hit every vendor multiple times.
- A hearty meal of braised quail, shrimp, fresh vegetables, and a glass of finely aged wine: (Biden family members only.)
See? You can feed your entire family, even under Bidenomics. You just have to be willing to be a little creative. Happy feasting!
NOT SATIRE: Why Gold is the Ultimate Safe Haven!
August 1st: In a sensational twist, the esteemed rating agency Fitch, downgraded the U.S. Debt Credit Rating. Many officials within the U.S. Government were left scratching their heads, questioning Fitch's rationale when they stated their decision was based on "A steady deterioration in standards of governance over the last 20 years, including on fiscal and debt matters." Meanwhile, we questioned the 20-year delay in downgrading the U.S. credit rating. This may just be the cue to Americans to seriously consider the alternative safe haven of physical gold versus bonds/treasuries (U.S. Debt). Gold and silver serve as tangible money, shielding against currency failures, de-dollarization, and the digital dollar, while also offering control and privacy outside the fractured banking system. Now more than ever, we are in an era of uncertainty, misinformation, political corruption, and economic instability. Physical gold and silver have been "censored out" because the government, banks, and financial institutions are dollar-denominated. Math does not lie: For the past 20 years, physical gold and silver have outperformed the DOW & S&P.
January 2003 to January 2023, approximately: Gold: 430.43% Silver: 417.17% DOW: 304.78% S&P: 179.96%
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.