U.S. - Across the country, millions of Americans who cowered under oppressive government mandates for two years are standing in solidarity with the Ukrainian people, urging them to give their lives for their freedom.
"Yeah! You go, Ukrainians!" said local man Sam Millbit, who happily let the American government lock him in his home and destroy every small business in his town. "No matter what it takes, you need to fight for your freedom! I will be right here supporting you by adding the Ukrainian flag to my social media accounts to inspire you! Now go die for your country!"
"I am fully supportive of the Ukrainians' right to die a painful death for liberty," said local woman Karen Smeet while masking her kids up for school. "Go Ukraine!"
According to polls, Americans will be less supportive of Ukraine if they end up getting drafted into the military to fight another war, but thankful to finally be allowed to have jobs again.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
