GOTHAM - The Caped Crusader took a short break from keeping the streets of Gotham safe to express his frustration at Vice President Kamala Harris for paying The Joker's bail every time Batman turned him over to authorities.
"Twenty minutes. The Joker was incarcerated for twenty minutes before Kamala Harris bailed him out in the name of some fictional garbage called 'equity,'" growled the Dark Knight while balancing broodily on a stone gargoyle atop one of Gotham's gargoyle-suffused skyscrapers. "It's the fourth time this month! Since when do villains qualify for bail after turning residents of a five-block area into acid-spewing mutant zombies?"
"This Batman fellow sounds like he's ignorant of the systemic prejudice against differently-moraled individuals - aka villains - in this city," said Gotham's District Attorney Harvey Dent, "In a society that is structured to keep certain groups in power, the only way to fix that imbalance is for untouchable political elites to bail out the worst criminals in the city, such as The Joker."
Batman was about to respond to DA Dent's opinion on bailing out dangerous criminals when he heard a telltale sound of laughter rising from the streets of his city. With a sweep of his cape, the world's greatest detective disappeared into the night in search of Kamala Harris.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
