U.S. - Americans held their collective breath when they saw the headline "Amazon on Fire," as they knew this would have dire, worldwide consequences. They felt a huge relief, though, when they found out that the Amazon being referred to was merely the South American rainforest and not the internet retail giant.

"Oh man, I was so scared when I saw that Amazon was on fire," said Sean Jacobs, a mechanic, "because I had just ordered John Wick on Blu-ray. I was like, 'Is this going to affect two-day Prime shipping?' But then I found it was just some trees on fire. And guess what? It only took one day to get my Blu-ray. Amazon's shipping is so great!"

While the Amazon rainforest, home to 10% of the species on earth, is on fire, Amazon the internet retailer, home to 50% of online sales, is unharmed and assures customers that everything with them is just fine, and there will be no obstacles to getting customers whatever they order -- unless they order merchandise from South America, because that place is on fire or something.