After Twitter Announcement Fails, DeSantis Sends Back-Up Announcement To People’s Pagers
Politics · May 25, 2023 ·

TALLAHASSEE, FL — After a Twitter announcement that was hampered by tech issues, Governor Ron DeSantis has assured that anyone who was unable to hear the announcement on Elon Musk's platform will soon receive a follow-up announcement on their pagers.

"Don't worry, folks, if you have one of the newer pagers capable of receiving text, you will be receiving my announcement personally. Please make sure your pagers are charged and turned on," said DeSantis on Twitter. "I am a presidential candidate who fully embraces the technology that will be essential for our Great American Comeback!"

Media outlets, outraged at being left out, condemned the move as fascist somehow. "This just goes to prove how fascist this fascist fascist is," said MSNBC's Joy Reid. "We'll be back tomorrow night with more, once we figure out exactly how this is fascist."

At publishing time, Joe Biden had confirmed he was the only one who had received the announcement, as he is the only one in America who still uses a pager.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.