U.S. — In a stunning turn of events, Adolf Hitler, the infamous dictator responsible for World War II and the Holocaust, has announced his bid for the US presidency in the upcoming 2024 election.
Hitler, well known for his oppressive regime and genocidal policies that killed millions of Jews, has chosen America as the stage for his political comeback. In a bizarre press conference held on Twitter Spaces where he was interviewed by Elon Musk, Hitler unveiled his new presidential campaign slogan: "Make America Nazi Again."
Hitler explained that his platform is simple authoritarianism, xenophobia, and an extreme disregard for human rights. His proposed policies include suppressing free speech, implementing mass surveillance, and establishing concentration camps for political opponents.
"I'll tell you what, I've about had it with this woke agenda," he said in the announcement, in classic Hitler-like fashion.
Political analysts have been left dumbfounded, struggling to comprehend how literally Hitler was back and in the flesh running for office in America. Despite the confusion and lack of support, the Hitler campaign vowed to press on, stopping at nothing to restore the Third Reich.
At publishing time, Adolf Hitler closed his announcement speech by promising that as President the first things he'd do are: exterminate all undesirables, grow an iconic mustache, and invade Disney.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
