HARRISBURG, PA — After witnessing last night's debate between Senate candidates Mehmet Oz and John Fetterman, the people of Pennsylvania have overwhelmingly voted to just have no representation in the Senate at all.
"Yeah, after seeing that debate, I don't even think we need a Senator," said local steelworker Joe Wunpack while rummaging through the contents of his rusty old lunch bucket. "Those folks don't seem all that bright if you ask me."
Pundits on the Left are praising Fetterman for having a beating heart and functioning lungs while having the letter "D" after his name. Pundits on the Right, however, insist Oz is the best choice for Pennsylvania since he can form complete sentences and has a last name that makes him sound like an all-powerful wizard. Most citizens of the state are not convinced.
"Maybe we can just skip having a Senator this year," said Suzie Homewife while setting an apple pie on her window sill to cool. "I think 99 Senators is enough, don't you? Actually, maybe 99 is too many."
Reporters reached out to Fetterman for comment. In a meticulously prepared statement, Fetterman reassured Pennsylvanians, saying: "Senate. Elections. Senate. Vote. Senate."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
