WICHITA, KS — After months of arguing that he was ready for the responsibility of a mobile device, local homeschooler Kevin Hillstead at last wore his parents down.
"I finally won't be the only nerd without a mobile device!" said an ecstatic Kevin, gleefully doing long division. "Wow, it even does percentages! Thanks, Mom and Dad!"
While still concerned about the influence of technology, Mr. and Mrs. Hillstead felt Kevin was mature enough to handle it. "At some point, you just have to push your kids out of the nest and see if they fly," said Mrs. Hillstead, squeezing her husband's hand. "Sure, it makes us nervous to think what Kevin might be exposed to. But the fact is, you just can't protect them forever."
The family stated they plan to keep strict ground rules in place, as having a device would be a privilege, not a right. "The devices have to stay in the living room where we can keep an eye on what our kids are getting into," said Mr. Hillstead. "We will also not tolerate having devices at the dinner table. Too many families these days eat meals in silence, staring at their LCD screens."
At publishing time, Kevin's parents had already taken away his device after they caught him typing "8008" repeatedly.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.