While some have called trading Britney Griner for Russia's "Merchant Of Death" the worst trade in the history of trades, the Biden administration isn't done yet! Here are 10 more trades our Commander-In-Chief is planning to make before 2023 is over.
- Charizard for Weedle: There hasn't been a trade this lopsided since Griner for the Merchant of Death!
- Gogurt for some carrot sticks: This strict downgrade is yet more evidence that our current administration does not understand "The Art Of The Deal."
- $50 billion to Ukraine in exchange for a nice thank-you note from Zelensky: Tasteful red crayon on blue and yellow construction paper, with a brief postscript requesting immediate tactical nuclear strikes on Russia.
- Joe Manchin for Mitt Romney: A fair deal since they lost Sinema and Gabbard as bargaining chips.
- Brittney Griner for Paul Whelan: Finally the Biden administration can quiet all this conservative blowback, so long as Russia values diverse basketball stars as much as we do.
- Our last shred of dignity as a nation for another season of "Bachelor in Paradise": It's a small price to pay for salvation – or at least for 16 more episodes of the delicious guilty pleasure.
- Our children for the LGBTQ lobby: It's an important voter bloc!
- Trade blows with Corn Pop: Don't think Biden won't do it! He's tough.
- Florida for Cuba: Finally we can get rid of DEATHSantis and enjoy some real socialism!
- Mean tweets for inflation, disgraceful Afghanistan pullout, & WWIII: Wait, we did that one already!
And that's it. We're grateful for grizzled hardball negotiators working tirelessly on our behalf to put American citizens first – here's to another year of winning!
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Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!