ORLANDO, FL — In order to entice more customers who are looking for a real, authentic Italian dining experience, Olive Garden is now requiring all their wait staff to use that funny hand gesture Italian people always use.
"When our customers walk through our doors, we want them to feel like they just walked into that magical land known as Italy," said Olive Garden CEO Dave Smith, gesticulating wildly like an authentic Italian. "Per favore! Grazie! Salute! See? So real!"
To add to the real Italian feel of the restaurant, staff are also being asked to talk about soccer, wear stylish shoes, and sexually harass customers as often as possible.
"The new rules are kinda hard," said Travish Woodson, a waiter for the restaurant. "I don't feel very Italian. I'm from Indiana. Well, I lived in Idaho for a little bit too. Um... Mamma Mia!"
Witnesses say several onlookers "ooed" and "ahhed" when they heard Woodson's breathtaking accent and accompanying che vuoi hand gesture, perfectly executed with the fingers and thumb joined and pointing upward.
At publishing time, Taco Bell had announced they would make their restaurant more authentic by setting up Virgin Mary votive candles throughout the store.
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