EDEN - According to sources, The Creator decided it's not good for man to be alone and has created a beautiful helper and companion for him, formed from a rib taken from the first man, Adam. Unfortunately, Adam isn't sure what to call this exquisite and wonderful creature as he is not a biologist.
"This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh," began Adam. "She shall be called, um... gosh, I really can't say. I'm no scientist here." He then stammered and stuttered for 10 minutes causing the feminine-looking bipedal humanoid creature to roll its eyes.
"Ah crap, was it something I said?" said Adam, scratching his head. "I don't know what this creature - who looks very much like me except better in every conceivable way - identifies as! Oh! If there was only a peer-reviewed biologist or gender studies professor who could make this clear to me!"
The first man was going to give his wife a name but failed to come up with one as he wasn't sure of her gender. He decided it would be a bit patriarchal to give this perfectly lovely creation a name instead of letting it self-identify.
At the time of printing, Adam is now hanging out alone with his pet parrot and the feminine-looking creature has wandered off and made friends with a snake.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
