EDEN - According to sources, The Creator decided it's not good for man to be alone and has created a beautiful helper and companion for him, formed from a rib taken from the first man, Adam. Unfortunately, Adam isn't sure what to call this exquisite and wonderful creature as he is not a biologist.
"This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh," began Adam. "She shall be called, um... gosh, I really can't say. I'm no scientist here." He then stammered and stuttered for 10 minutes causing the feminine-looking bipedal humanoid creature to roll its eyes.
"Ah crap, was it something I said?" said Adam, scratching his head. "I don't know what this creature - who looks very much like me except better in every conceivable way - identifies as! Oh! If there was only a peer-reviewed biologist or gender studies professor who could make this clear to me!"
The first man was going to give his wife a name but failed to come up with one as he wasn't sure of her gender. He decided it would be a bit patriarchal to give this perfectly lovely creation a name instead of letting it self-identify.
At the time of printing, Adam is now hanging out alone with his pet parrot and the feminine-looking creature has wandered off and made friends with a snake.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
