CANAAN — Though villagers continued to notice mounting tensions and frequent disagreements between his sons, Abraham reports he's pretty sure this feud between Ishmael and Isaac will blow over soon.

The revered patriarch brushed off concerns about the ongoing conflict between his sons and said he was confident that this would only be a temporary squabble and would not linger into the future.

"I don't think it will be a long-term thing," Abraham said of the friction. "They're half-brothers, and these types of family fights pop up from time to time. It's pretty common, I think. I mean, it's not like it's something that's going to be carried on by their descendants and remain an issue for thousands of years. That'd be ridiculous."

The household staff remained unconvinced. "It seems pretty serious," said one servant. "I literally heard Ishmael say ‘I'm going to teach all my kids to hate your kids and have them pass it down from generation to generation.' They can't agree on anything. Ishmael can't even sit at the dinner table without starting an argument and screaming ‘Death to Isaac! Death to Isaac!' I don't expect this to go away anytime soon, but hey, their dad seems to think it'll be fine."

Despite the constant bickering, Abraham was optimistic. "This will all just fade away," he said. "Someday, we'll all sit back and laugh about them not getting along. It'll be hilarious."

At publishing time, Abraham had planned to placate his sons and ease tensions by offering them a two-tent solution with a corresponding peace accord.

YUGE NEWS! There's a new Donald Trump Version of the Bible, and we've got the exclusive clip of Trump reciting his favorite verses.