What are women thinking? What are they feeling? What do they WANT FROM US!?
So many questions. Luckily, you've got The Babylon Bee, and we know some women. Some of us are even married. So, we went to our wives and told them we were going to write an article explaining facial expressions. They said "That's fine. Everything is fine," so we went ahead and did it, since they obviously approved greatly.
Here you go -- every facial expression your wife has and how to translate it:
The "It's Fine" Look
Translation: It's fine. Everything is fine. No, go and hang out with your friends. It's totally fine.
The "It's Not Fine" Look
Translation: It's not fine. Everything is terrible. You're seriously just gonna go hang out with your friends? Totally not fine.
The "You Know What You Did" Look
Translation: You did something wrong. Rack your brain. Retrace your every step over the past seventeen hours and figure out what it was.
The "Let's Get Romantic" Look
Translation: "Let's get romantic."
The "Romance, right now? Are you crazy" Look
Translation: "Are you serious right now!?"
The "You Cheated on Me in a Dream Last Night" Look
Translation: If your wife gives you this look, it means you've cheated on her. In her dream last night. Make it better with chocolate.
The "No, I'm happy to eat there. Wherever you want, babe. Sounds great."
Translation: You have failed to be decisive while also reading her mind about where she wants to eat even though she doesn't even know. Why did she even marry you, anyway?
The ... wait, which one was this again? Oh no... what'd we do!?
Translation: This might be the "it's fine" look, but it could be the "it's not fine" look. Or maybe the dream one? Oh no. DEPLOYING CHOCOLATE COUNTERMEASURES PLEASE SEND HEL