'Starbucks Made Me The Wrong Drink' And 10 Other Times Capitalism Failed
Sponsored · Aug 23, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: The Tuttle Twins

Hey capitalists! You still think your system is perfect? Well, think again! Capitalism is one of the worst things to happen to humanity and we'll show you why.

Here are 10 miserable failures of capitalism:

  1. The hotel breakfast was out of waffle mix this morning: Say what you will about the gulags, they NEVER had this problem.
  2. Your Che Guevara t-shirt was delayed during shipment: Virtue signal delayed! Lame!
  3. Google Maps on your iPhone 13 Pro Max sent you to the wrong end of the park for the abortion protest: It was inconvenient.
  4. That time you stubbed your toe on your Roomba on the way to make your morning espresso: Every single day, capitalism is literally trying to kill you.
  5. There are just too many entertainment options and streaming services and it's stressing you out: Capitalism doesn't care about your mental health.
  6. When you go to the store to pick up some sugar-free almond milk for lactose intolerant vegans, and you can only find the kind with sugar: UGH!
  7. The time AOC's head got stuck in a fence: Without capitalism, the fence wouldn't exist — with Communism, it'd be an impenetrable block wall separating East and West Berlin that you couldn't get your head stuck in.
  8. Loot crates in video games: Evil. Pure evil.
  9. The McDonald's ice cream machine broke down and you can't get your soft serve: Why would capitalism allow this to happen?
  10. You don't want to work and you're broke: This leaves you with only as much wealth and luxury as a mid-tier noble from 200 years ago. Terrible!


NOT SATIRE: You might think it's funny to talk about how capitalism has failed. But that's what many teachers are telling kids in their classrooms, and what social media is indoctrinating them to think.

How are kids and parents supposed to respond to this?

We created a free guide called "Tuttle Rebuttals" that shows kids how to respond to lies like "socialism is good," "marxism works," and more.

Because you're a Babylon Bee reader, I want you to have a free copy of this eBook. Click here to get this eBook now. And, if you're willing, help us get it into the hands of more kids and parents.

Thank you,

Connor Boyack

Author, Tuttle Twins

Founder, Libertas Institute


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