9 Upsides Of A Nuclear Apocalypse
Sponsored · Oct 13, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: Tuttle Twins

Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?

Here are 9 great upsides of a nuclear apocalypse:

  1. You never have to go to IKEA again: Never again will you have to navigate a labyrinthian hellscape of cheap furniture and meatballs! Yay!
  2. You have this cool extra arm growing out of your shoulder now: You can multitask!
  3. Flash from the explosion will burn out your eyes so you won't have to see whatever Lizzo does next: Praise be!
  4. Your friends who made fun of you for keeping all your DVDs will be jealous since all the streaming services are down now: Who's laughing now?
  5. Everyone will agree how terrible Biden was: At last, unity in America!
  6. No more climate change: More importantly, no more Swedish teens lecturing you on climate change.
  7. You'll finally feel vindicated for spending $7,000 on a chicken coop and raising chickens: Eggs are the new currency. You're rich!
  8. The 750 hours you sank into the Fallout franchise won't have gone to waste: You've been training for this your whole life.
  9. You'll finally have time! All the time in the world! Time enough to enjoy all your Tuttle Twins books! Now, where were your glasses?: *CRACK... "NOOOOOOOOO!"

See? Things won't be so bad! Now quit yer bellyachin'! And don't forget to take your iodine.

NOT SATIRE: Don't wait for doomsday to get a Tuttle Twins book for your family. Here's a sweet offer: you can get our newest book, FREE!

This brand-new book is inspired by Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life and teaches powerful principles for young people to master.

It tells a fun story and has beautiful illustrations to make your child or grandchild love reading — and re-reading — the content!

This offer won't last long — we've already had thousands of pre-orders gobbling up our book inventory — so if you'd like to reserve a free copy, click here to get the book now.

Whether the apocalypse happens next week (thanks Biden) or in the future, let's focus on helping our kids learn true principles that will help them create a better future.

Here's the link to get your free book now.


Connor Boyack

Author, Tuttle Twins

Babylon Bee subscriber Mark Zimmerman contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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