As Election Day continues to draw nigh, the entire country is waiting for the answer to one simple question: who's gonna be the next president of the United States?
As experienced political journalists who have never been wrong about anything ever, we at The Babylon Bee have taken a little time to drum up a few reasons we are 100% sure Trump is going to win:
Trump's face appeared in the supermoon: It's science.
A poll of guys wearing camo named Bubba showed Trump winning with 100% of vote: It's basically over at this piont.
He's not Kamala Harris: It's foolproof.
Third time's the charm: There's no way it fails this time.
Obama was seen at Caesars Palace placing $100 on a Trump victory: When even degenerates like Obama are putting their money on it, you'd better believe it.
If you read the second letter of every third word in Philippians 2, Paul clearly says, "Trump's got this one": Know your Bible, people.
Trump invoked the power of Michael the Archangel on Truth Social: He obviously should have done this in 2020 too.
A bakery selling Trump and Kamala cookies sold 97 Trump cookies and 43 Kamala cookies: This clearly means that Trump will garner 97% of the vote, while Kamala will only get 43 votes.
We really, really want him to win. The most solid evidence of all.
Well, there you have it. No reason to worry at all.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
