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It's that time of year again when everyone lets the government steal from them in the form of "taxes." But what if there were some easy tricks to avoid paying taxes altogether?
The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of clever loopholes to get out of giving Uncle Sam any of your hard-earned money:
Get yourself deported to an El Salvadorian prison: This one's easier now than it's ever been. Just find your nearest Homeland Security office and tell them your name is Manuel and you're here illegally.
Claim all 15 million illegal aliens as your dependents: This is technically true.
Go fishing and hope Jesus repeats that whole coins-in-the-fish's-mouth thing for you: He did it once, and He can do it again.
Declare yourself a sovereign state and just stop paying: This works out well for everyone who does it.
Write off all the times you rounded up your Taco Bell order to the nearest dollar to help children in need: You knew all that generosity would pay off eventually.
Draw a little Cybertruck on your tax return form and write "I Heart Elon": Automatic exemption.
Count your time working as a church greeter as part of your tithe: By reporting it as being at $1,000/hour, all those awkward hellos and handshakes will finally be worth it.
Do not, under any circumstances, make any money, ever: You can't pay taxes on income you don't have.
Die: Just kidding, your family will still end up paying the taxes you owed. Nice try, though.
It may seem far-fetched, but eliminating your tax bill really is just that easy. Try it today.
You Wish This Was Satire, But It's Not:
The Gov't Just Claimed: Your Money Isn't Yours…
You're reading this and thinking, "This can't be real." And yet, here we are. The Department of Justice just argued in court that your money isn't actually your money. Yes, you heard that right. According to them, your cash isn't "property" — so they can grab it whenever they want. This isn't a bad joke; it's the latest reality check from the government.
Imagine this: your savings, your retirement, everything you've worked for — poof, gone, just because the DOJ decided they want a slice of your pie. They've opened the door to legally freeze your bank accounts, swipe your retirement funds, and call it a "reallocation." Welcome to your new "freedom."
But before you start planning your escape to a remote island, there's good news: you don't have to sit back and let this happen. We've put together a free guide that reveals the exact strategies you can use to fortify your wealth — and keep it out of the government's grubby hands.
Text "Babylon" to 24999 or click here to get your free guide now and learn how to shield your savings before it's too late!
Meet Juan. He came to this country with a dream to commit crime. This is his story.
