Despite Elon Musk urging caution and millions of people having seen The Terminator films multiple times, A.I. is almost guaranteed to soon permeate every facet of our lives. With that being said, what can you use it for?
The Babylon Bee is here to help you ease into full acceptance of A.I. by providing you with the following list of exciting ways to use it:
- Creating delicious recipes for government-issued cricket and mealworm-based dishes: No more stressing out about what to make for dinner.
- PsyOp television shows can now be beamed directly into your brain: Forget about having to scroll through streaming services to find your regime-approved entertainment.
- Building you a new perfect spouse: At least until the next update completely changes her personality. Sad!
- NFL refs can be replaced by sight-impaired robots: No one will know the difference.
- Deepfake Joe Biden speeches that are coherent and articulate: Imagine the American pride you'll feel when you can actually understand what he's saying.
- Saying your prayers for you: Let the machines handle all the hassle of talking to God for you.
- Journalism: It would be best for our news to be delivered by an impartial algorithm written by... we're not sure.
- It can tell your children goodnight for you while you watch TV: Artificial babysitters are the best.
- Efficient identification and locating of all political dissidents for fast and efficient extermination: Those freedom-loving extremists will be a thing of the past.
This is only a small sample of the peaceful and prosperous utopia that awaits all of us as soon as we accept our fate and embrace the wonders of A.I.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
