TUCSON, AZ — Apple has announced a brand new app for their Vision Pro headset that will alert married men if their wives are upset with them.
The new tech will use facial recognition and artificial intelligence to pick up on nonverbal cues most husbands completely miss.
"Usually I'm pretty clueless when Tiff is mad at me," one married man commented in a review of the new app, "but my new augmented overlay headset is a game changer. A little meter tells me how mad she is and what my appropriate response should be. I wish I'd had one of these when we were newlyweds!"
The state-of-the-art software can detect millions of possible scenarios, from when she's mad you stayed up late playing online games with the guys instead of watching the latest episode of The Bachelorette with her, to a silent alarm that goes off when you haven't commented quickly enough on her new haircut.
Reviews from wives are mixed.
"I mean…it's pretty obvious when I'm frustrated with Dave," Tiff Edmunds said. "I don't come right out and say ‘I'm mad at you for the following reasons…' but I don't think he needed to spend over $3 thousand on a headset dealy when he could just ask me — a few times maybe — why I'm giving him the cold shoulder."
At publishing time, Dave had also downloaded a program to help him remember the names of people at church and the topics he always forgets he's definitely not supposed to bring up when his sister-in-law visits.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
