Every husband knows the feeling. Your wife is mad — at you — and you have some work to do to fix it. The hard part is knowing what to do if you want to smooth things over. Rookie husbands (and sometimes even veteran husbands) make too many mistakes and things end up even worse than before.
Thankfully, The Babylon Bee is here to save the day with a list of surefire things you can do that will virtually guarantee your wife will stop being mad at you.
- Calmly explain to her that her reasons for being mad are totally irrational: She'll see the error of her ways and appreciate your masculine leadership.
- Compliment her teeth and neck like in Song of Solomon: What woman isn't a sucker for lines that compare her teeth to a flock of sheep and her neck to a tower?
- Ask her what you did to make her mad: She'll be thrilled that you didn't know and will gladly inform you in clear and concise language.
- Crack a joke to lighten the mood: A good wisecrack is exactly what she needs right now.
- Stop breathing that way: You know. That way. Stop it. And stop chewing your cereal like that too. Gross.
- Tell her she's acting just like her mother: She'll love it. If that doesn't work, tell her she's acting just like your mother. She'll love that even more.
- Pretend to listen to what's bothering her: What she really wants is an attentive partner…or something. She mentioned it before, but you probably don't remember.
- Chick-Fil-A: It fixes everything.
If you follow the list above, your wife will stop being mad at you in no time.*
*If it doesn't work, and she gets even more mad at you, we're not responsible. You're the one who did it. Whatever "it" was.
NOT SATIRE: Buy your spouse (or yourself!) some beautiful jewelry and apparel from Dear Heart!
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