U.S. — According to sources, a female comic has broken a world record after going a full six seconds into her stand-up bit without mentioning her vagina even once. The previous record held by Amy Schumer was a mere 2 seconds.
"Hey, how's everyone doing tonight?" begins comedian Marianne Ehrlich in the record-breaking YouTube clip. She then holds for applause for around six seconds before beginning her first joke in which she describes her genitalia in excruciating detail for around 15 minutes with no punchline whatsoever.
"The restraint shown by Miss Ehrlich is incredible," said Kennedy Center President Deborah F. Rutter. "I've never seen such a masterful comedic performance. She is a shoo-in for this year's Mark Twain Prize."
After the feat was verified by officials with the Guinness Book of World Records, Ehrlich was officially recognized. "It's such an honor," she said before launching into a story about the last 328 guys she committed unthinkably filthy sex acts with.
At publishing time, the record had already been broken by Conan O'Brien after he identified as a lovely Irish woman.
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