BERLIN — Though he is reviled as one of the evilest figures in all of history, leading historians now agree that Adolf Hitler was probably just kidding when he and his followers paraded down German streets loudly chanting "We're coming for the Jews!"
"It was obviously just a joke," said Dr. Werner Von Herbensherber, who serves as Professor Emeritus at the Institute for the Rehabilitation of Hitler's Image. "Though the Führer may have caused some trouble here and there, he was actually looking for acceptance and meant no harm to the Jewish people when he attempted to eradicate them from existence."
Recently discovered film footage shows Hitler leading a celebratory parade of Nazis down a Munich street chanting "Achtung! Good news! We're coming for the Jews!" Though many people found the footage chilling, historians were quick to defend the former German leader. "He clearly didn't mean anything by it," Dr. Von Herbensherber explained. "Everyone who was up in arms about Hitler and the Nazis ‘making threats' against the Jews were clearly overreacting."
Not all historians were in agreement, however. "Are you kidding me?" asked Jewish historian William Goldberg. "He literally tried to eliminate the Jewish race. Gas chambers. Mass graves. Crematoriums. The Nazis said what they intended to do, and they were serious. Why are people defending something that is pure, unadulterated evil?"
At publishing time, historians were also taking another look at figures like Pharaoh and King Herod, believing perhaps they had been judged too harshly for their attempts to murder thousands of children.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
