Biden Boasts How Well He Has Handled Ukrainian Economy
Politics · Jun 28, 2023 ·

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Facing mounting criticism over inflation and families struggling to make ends meet, President Joe Biden publicly boasted about how well his administration has handled the Ukrainian economy.

"It's never been stronger," Biden said in a brief statement to members of the media before leaving for his July 4th vacation on June 28th. "Let's be clear — anyone criticizing my ability to improve a nation's economy hasn't seen the job I've done in Ukraine. They're swimming in cash, Jack! Nobody knows how to invigorate an economy like I do. Just ask Zelensky. Pregarterlibbredoozle!"

Critics of the administration cite unprecedented inflation, high gas prices, and other factors as evidence of the failure of Biden's economic policies. "My neighbor can't afford food," said concerned citizen Jake Roberts. "He might be only a week or two away from being so hungry he'll eat his cat. How can Biden seriously claim to be presiding over a successful economy?"

When reached for comment, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky strongly endorsed Biden's economic track record. "He has shown tremendous leadership for our nation's economy for years," Zelensky said. "Even dating back to when he was Vice President, he has had a constant presence here overseeing financial transactions. We are in his debt, and I mean that literally, which is why we keep doing him favors."

At publishing time, the White House had released a statement to the press responding to complaints of high gas prices by asking Congressional leaders to authorize an additional $20 billion in military funding for Ukraine.

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