Gone are the days when you could just ship your kids off to the public school system every day and trust them to come out still sane and reasonably educated. But what are the alternatives?
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of highly superior alternatives to public school:
- Let them join the circus: There are way fewer freaks at the circus.
- Get them a job at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory: They might be drowned in a chocolate river, incinerated, or turned into a giant blueberry, but they might survive all of Wonka's deathtraps and inherit the whole place.
- Have them build forts in the backyard: It will prepare them for the fall of civilization.
- Gaza: Much safer.
- Coal mines: It will help them develop a strong work ethic, which is something you don't get in public school!
- Make them a child actor on a Disney Channel show: If they're going to be scarred for life, you might as well make some money off of it.
- Send them out into the woods with a hatchet: Unlike public school, this scenario allows them to protect themselves.
- Have them do anything else, literally anything: Just don't send them to public school, for goodness' sake!
With so many options to choose from, it's plain to see that for kids who don't go to public school, the possibilities are endless. And much, much safer, too.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions