DENVER, CO — In a heroic effort to save American Democracy, the Colorado Supreme Court has voted to prevent residents of Colorado from voting for their preferred candidate.
"I love democracy, and this is why we had to vote to overrule the millions of Colorado citizens who want to elect Trump through the democratic process," said Colorado Justice and white woman Melissa Hart after the vote. "Trump is a terrifying orange man and if he's elected he will likely grow to over 50 feet and rampage through the country killing people with his laser eyes. Our democracy is too precious for us to allow that to happen."
After Justice Hart's statement, the three other justices who voted with her stood and clapped in approval.
Democracy experts also applauded this democracy-subverting move to make sure democracy wasn't subverted. "Just think. If 4 people in robes hadn't taken away the voting rights of millions, we would have lost our democracy!" said journalist and democracy expert Linda Florgbott. "Thank God we saved it just in time."
At publishing time, Trump had gained another 12% in Colorado polls.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
