Following his primary loss to Steve Toth, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw is now looking for a new career path.
The Babylon Bee has heard through the Washington grapevine that Crenshaw has cast an eye toward one of the following potential jobs:
Monocle model: They reportedly only get paid half as much as models for eyeglasses, though.
Stockbroker: His years of success and killer portfolio speak for themselves.
Circus act as "The Man with Incredibly Poor Depth Perception": Just don't mix it with knife-throwing.
Major League Baseball umpire: He'll fit right in.
Full-time telescope operator: Need someone to look at something through a telescope? He's perfect.
Designer eyepatch creator: There's almost no competition in this market.
Trombone player in a ska band: No relation to his eye. He just likes ska.
Somali pirate: All he needs to do is move to Somalia. Or even just Minneapolis.
It's only a matter of time before he lands on his feet. What other jobs would be a great fit for Dan Crenshaw? Post your suggestions in the comments.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
