Following his primary loss to Steve Toth, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw is now looking for a new career path.
The Babylon Bee has heard through the Washington grapevine that Crenshaw has cast an eye toward one of the following potential jobs:
Monocle model: They reportedly only get paid half as much as models for eyeglasses, though.
Stockbroker: His years of success and killer portfolio speak for themselves.
Circus act as "The Man with Incredibly Poor Depth Perception": Just don't mix it with knife-throwing.
Major League Baseball umpire: He'll fit right in.
Full-time telescope operator: Need someone to look at something through a telescope? He's perfect.
Designor eyepatch creator: There's almost no competition in this market.
Trombone player in a ska band: No relation to his eye. He just likes ska.
Somali pirate: All he needs to do is move to Somalia. Or even just Minneapolis.
It's only a matter of time before he lands on his feet. What other jobs would be a great fit for Dan Crenshaw? Post your suggestions in the comments.
The Iranian government has officially announced a new Supreme Leader.
