8 Best Reasons To Start WWIII Today
World · Mar 18, 2022

Right now, President Biden is busy making a "pros and cons" list for starting World War III. You may think WWIII would be a bad thing, but it might not be ALL bad! Try to look at the bright side, you pessimist!

Here are 8 good reasons to enter WWIII today:

1) You'll finally have something interesting to talk about when strangers make small-talk: Finally, something to talk about besides the weather!

2) A good world war will straighten out all those lazy Millennials: It's about time those darned lazy Millenials stopped watching the YouTube and did something useful. We're tired of Grandma and Grandpa shoving that whole "greatest generation" thing in our faces, seriously.

3) We can just let the women do all the fighting now: It is, after all, the current year.

4) Everyone's been waiting a long time for the exciting conclusion of the World War trilogy: We've been in suspense for decades. It's time for the epic finale.

5) You don't have to worry about a Nuclear blast because you can just get in your refrigerator like Indiana Jones in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: If they only knew about this technique in the Cold War!

6) You can post a video of you fighting bad guys and get, like, SO many followers: It will go SO viral. Epic!

7) You might even get to meet your hero Zelensky: What a hunk!

8) With inflation skyrocketing, bullets will be too expensive by next week: So we'd better act now!


Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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