MAR-A-LAGO, FL - In a speech this week, Trump hinted strongly that he will run for reelection in 2024. He then ginned up excitement for his potential campaign by promising that if re-elected, he will turn Fauci into a piñata and let every American take one good whack at it.
"Dr. Fauci! What a beauty that guy is huh? You all don't like him, do you? No, I didn't think so! Fauci - not the brightest. Some might even say he's a loser idiot. Some are saying that," said Trump as the crowd cheered with delight. "We're gonna turn him into a piñata! A big, beautiful piñata. Then every American will get to take a nice big swing at it with a stick! How do you like that?"
The thousands of supporters in the crowd then stood to their feet and roared their approval.
Pollsters reported that support for a second Trump term increased 322% in the hours after Trump's promise to let everyone beat up a paper mache likeness of Dr. Fauci with sticks. Trump then followed that up with a promise to put Mitt Romney in a giant county-fair dunk tank and let every American get three throws.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.